Julia's Rollers

This morning I read the latest post on Julia's Blog. As little as we have in common in the real world, Julia and I have shared the same love-hate up-down good-evil relationship with our running over the past few years. While Julia and I have known for some time that we have this in common and have offered each other support and understanding, I don't think either of us has been able to lead the other to a place beyond the conflict and torture we subject ourselves to in our running. This may or may not help my friend Julia, but I am going to share a revelation about myself that I recently discovered:

My running has improved recently so I am mostly running from a good place. Last Friday though, I woke up in a bad place. Angry at the world and anxious to go run my way out of the darkness. I got dressed, put on my shoes and grabbed my watch. I was going to run my entire 10 mile run at a 6:30 pace even if it killed me. I was going to kill myself running. (Metaphysically) As I put my hand on the doorknob it occurred to me that if I went out that door, I could throw away all of the recent gains I had made in my running in one run. I have called it my "competitive drive" but I realized at that moment that I have often used my running as a means of punishing myself. That led me to realize that I want my running to be a positive force in my life for as long as I am able to run. I know that every run will not be a great run. I know that I will struggle at times and triumph at times. But I am determined to never again use a run as a means of punishing myself. I closed the door, changed out of my running clothes and took a day off from running.

So, Geezer/Julia, you are a gifted runner. You know that running has become part of who you are. You know that when it all comes together you are capable of posting times that many runners can only dream about. BUT, you must also know that your running can be used for positive or negative. I now believe that my running failures are the result of putting my running to use for negative purposes rather than positive. So take off your watch. Map out a beautiful run and count the number of trees in bloom or introduce yourself to a neighbor you've seen many times but don't yet know. Running will save you if you let it.

I'm off to get in a quiet 10.

Nice easy 10 miles completed. Met Max, Man of the Jungle, today. He's the old guy who's dog barks at me every day. He spent 2 months clearing all of the brush from the corner down the street so we could see cars coming before we turn! My goal for next week is to meet Kitchen Timer Man. He's the gentleman in the fishing hat and vest with a kitchen timer clipped to his pocket. I've told him I like his timer but now I need to know his name. Then I'll have 3 alibis: Jack on the bike, Max of the Jungle and Kitchen Timer Man!